The top ten decisions are: who will carry out your wishes, burial or cremation, what type of service, which cemetery, which funeral home, viewing and preparation, personal touches, the facts for your obituary, how you pay, and who holds a copy of your plan. You don’t have to do them all in one sitting, and none of them requires you to buy anything.
This may be the least fun checklist you’ll ever make, and one of the most useful. The good news is that there’s no seating chart. Pour yourself a cup of coffee and take it one item at a time.
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Ask the Specialist: What decisions should I make first when planning a funeral?
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1. Choose who carries out your wishes
Pick one person you trust and ask them first, because a surprise assignment is rarely welcome. If you haven’t named anyone, Indiana law has a default order of relatives who make these decisions, and it may not match who you’d choose. An attorney can help you name someone in writing.
2. Decide between burial, cremation or something else
NFDA projects a 2025 cremation rate of 63.4% and a burial rate of 31.6%, per its media center. The same page reports 61.4% of consumers are curious about green options. If you choose cremation, no law requires a casket, and funeral homes must offer simpler alternative containers.
3. Choose the kind of service
Traditional funeral, graveside gathering, memorial service, or a celebration of life? NFDA reports that 58.3% of people have attended a funeral at a non-traditional location, so you have more freedom than you might expect. Think about who should be there and what tone feels like you. Faith and family traditions belong in this conversation too. I’ve helped families with Jewish, Hindu, Buddhist and Christian traditions, and with green and natural burial, and every family does it a little differently.
4. Choose a place to rest
If you want burial, decide where. The FTC says buying a plot before you need one saves your family a hurried purchase. Many cemeteries require an outer burial container even though no state law does, so ask about their rules. If you’d prefer scattering or keeping cremated remains, write that down too.
5. Choose a funeral home and ask for the price list
Call two or three. Under the Funeral Rule you can get prices by phone without giving your name, and you’re entitled to a written price list to keep. For a national snapshot, NFDA’s 2023 medians were $8,300 with viewing and burial and $6,280 with viewing and cremation, before cemetery costs (NFDA study). Local prices vary.
6. Decide on preparation and viewing
The FTC notes that no state requires embalming in every case, though many funeral homes ask for it before a public viewing. If you’d like a private family viewing without it, ask whether that’s offered. Aaron-Ruben-Nelson has a “no embalming guarantee”. Aaron-Ruben-Nelson does not require embalming for viewing. Embalming may be requested, but is not required.
7. Plan the personal touches
Music, readings, speakers, photos, flowers or a donation instead. Choose the song now so nobody has to debate at 2 a.m. whether you’d have wanted the bagpipes. (You’re allowed to veto the bagpipes.) This is my favorite part of any plan, because it’s where a service starts to feel like the person being remembered.
8. Gather the facts for your obituary
Write down your full name, where you were born, parents’ names (with mother’s maiden name), family members, military service, work and the causes you love. Note where your important papers are. These are the details families scramble for first. Most of this information is used to create the official death certificate. Additional information is used to write an obituary. No one knows us as well as we know our own histories. This is an extremely helpful step for your family.
9. Decide how you’ll pay
You have three common routes: leave funds for your family, set money aside, or prepay with a funeral home. All are valid. Prepaying has real advantages: it locks in the price of what’s in your contract and puts your plan into a signed agreement. If you go that way, ask what’s covered, where the money is held, what happens if the business closes, and how cancellation works. In Indiana, a prepaid contract can be cancelled within 30 days of signing. After that it’s locked in, but can move to another provider.
10. Decide who gets a copy
Write your wishes down and give copies to family and your attorney. The FTC suggests not relying on your will or a safe deposit box alone, since families may need your plan on a weekend, or may need a death certificate to access the records. This should be in a handy, accessible place that has been communicated to your trusted person. Review it every few years, because life changes, and so do prices.
What to do next
Print this, check off what you can, and circle what you can’t decide yet. A half-finished plan is still a gift. For a printable version, use Aaron-Ruben-Nelson’s Pre-Planning Checklist, or browse the Plan Ahead page.
If you’d like company while you work through it, I’d be glad to help, and the first conversation is free. Book a conversation with me. I serve families in Zionsville, Carmel, Noblesville, Westfield, Fishers and the Greater Indianapolis area. If you’d like the bigger picture first, read 7 Reasons to Plan a Funeral in Advance.
Frequently asked questions
How long does funeral planning take? Many people start with one conversation and finish over a few. Typical appointments take about an hour. There’s no deadline, and you can pause and pick it back up anytime.
Can I change my plan later? Yes. A written plan can be updated whenever you like. A prepaid contract has its own rules: in Indiana you can cancel within 30 days of signing, and after that it’s locked-in, or Irrevocable, but it is transferable.
Do I need an attorney? Not to write down your wishes. The FTC suggests consulting one if you want help making sure they’re followed, especially when prepaying or naming someone to decide for you.
Sources
- Federal Trade Commission, Planning Your Own Funeral
- Federal Trade Commission, The FTC Funeral Rule
- NFDA, Media Center statistics (2025 Cremation and Burial Report; 2025 Consumer Awareness and Preferences Study)
- NFDA, 2023 Member General Price List Study
- Indiana Funeral Directors Association, Funeral Planning
- Indiana Code 29-2-19-17, Right to control disposition
- Aaron-Ruben-Nelson Mortuary, Pre-Planning Checklist
This checklist is general information, not legal advice. An attorney can help you name someone to carry out your wishes.
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